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But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through theirvows, the unthinkable happened. “Anna, they don’t mean anything to me now…but I’ve given part of my heart to each of them.” “I thought your heart was mine,” she said. “Everything that’s left is yours.” A tear rolled down Anna’s cheek. I was not, however, very good at not having crushes on boys.A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David’s other hand. I would make up elaborate daydreams of how this boy or that would ask my father’s permission to court me, and there were of course roses and romantic walks and eventually a ring.Harris’ teachings on lust caused very real problems in my marriage as well.I believed that every time my husband cheated on me every time he had sexual thoughts about another woman.

I wish Harris hadn’t taught me to see my sexuality as a problem to be combated.I wish I’d known that dating around helps you learn what you want in a spouse, and helps you gain valuable relationship skills. Instead, I married the first person I ever dated, due in no small part to Joshua Harris’ teachings. I do, however, regret not dating around beforehand and making our relationship so serious so fast instead of letting it develop more naturally and with less stress.Emotional Purity The reason that Joshua Harris condemns “recreational dating” is not simply because it is in his view a waste of time but also because he believes in a concept I have termed “emotional virginity.” Harris teaches not only that sex before marriage is wrong, but also that if you have a romantic relationship with someone you do not end up marrying, you give that person “a piece of your heart” that you cannot get back.Anna felt her lip begin to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. I keenly felt the sting of the embarrassment the girl in the story must have felt.I resolved never to give someone reason to send me changing, and was careful to cover up any sign of sexuality. As a result, I suppressed every sexual thought I had, and I got pretty good at it.




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