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I replied, "Look around — I'm one of three Black guys here." There’s a clear lack of queer spaces in POC communities, and that definitely affects the ability of men of color to meet one another.

But while the absence of queer POC-centric establishments is definitely an issue, many of the other Black men I see at gay bars around Manhattan and Brooklyn are booed up with white men, too.

My problem is that now I am around lots and it sometimes feels like communicating with a different species.

So after years of dating white men, how do I adjust to dating a colored man?

After graduating, I moved to New York, and though here I was able to find queer friends who are also people of color, we are still always in the minority at gay bars and clubs.

Thankfully, marginalized queer communities have started to call out those hurtful comments as acts of discrimination rather than statements of preference.My childhood in the Black church led me to believe that Black people were inherently homophobic — a myth — and that the only Black men who were gay were on the down low or infected with HIV — also a myth.Within my own family, I had two gay uncles who died of AIDS-related illnesses before I was 10.As a dark-skinned Black man, I have faced both overt and subtle instances of racism from white gay men.The ways in which I have been objectified and fetishized by them has often made me feel that I’m only good enough for sex and not for a relationship.




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