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writer and was granted permission to take a match for a drink—or a walk in Battery Park, as it turned out she constantly kept offering—she would give them my cell phone number, they would text me (the real me), and we'd figure out a time and place."Oh, hey, it's Mom. I asked if she'd like to meet for coffee or a drink. "I texted her back and said, ' Well, it doesn't have to be tonight.' Anyway, not sure what to say. But, days in, even with her increasingly deft ability to start conversations, my mom still had not found me a date. " she asked me, incredulous when I told her that was a no-no. She was waiting outside when I got there., evidently, my mom's type.

"I was looking to have a conversation and then meet for a coffee, or meet in the park.

But unlike when my mom was 26, there is now, quite literally, an app for this. My mom is 58, has short hair, stands a tiny five-foot-two, and takes no shit. That started to change when I went off to college and, with some perspective, realized I was stupid and she was smart; when I realized that all she cares about is ensuring that her children don’t fuck up too terribly, and that, since “playing N64 at Dan’s house” really means “stealing all of Dan’s dad’s beer,” sometimes it’s okay to say no—even if your moody teen thinks you’re a fascist. '"'s takedown piece about Tinder and today's hook-up culture, in which appears this appalling, almost-too-perfect-to-be-believable quote: "' It's like ordering Seamless,' says Dan, the investment banker, referring to the online food-delivery service.

It's called Tinder, and it's a floating box on your i Phone that you can touch when you have no one to touch. She grew up the daughter of a minister and ran our house with a similar hand—not tyrannical but firm, the matriarch of two boys. She was almost always bad cop, an imposer of midnight curfews with that uncanny mom ability to be deep in sleep at P. And since she was, in fact, always right, we talked often. ' But you're ordering a person.'" (This is the problem with pushing your mom into a sea filled with fish who might want to have sex with you: At some point she's going to tell you what you already know, what will likely make you uncomfortable, something mom-ish along the lines of, "It's not always all about sex," she said. Intimacy is about being kind, being nice to somebody. There's a whole range of things that make you connected to somebody that has nothing to do with the act of sleeping together.""People used to meet in person somehow," my mom would later say, bemoaning one of the Internet's greater miracles: the ability to eliminate physical distance as a barrier to finding love.

She'd arranged the meeting through Tinder, I heard my mom's voice in the back of my head from a few days earlier.

"You could get a lot of sexually transmitted diseases," she'd said over the phone, swiping through a carousel of pouty female twenty-somethings.

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