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If you were that happy, you wouldn’t be reading this and you wouldn’t be breaking up.

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The only time you should date is when you are truly ready to move on and Mr Married/Attached doesn’t figure any longer. No matter what you think, something or someone, or both, suffered while you focused your energies on your situation.

If you let work slide or put off career decisions, prioritise whatever it is, now.

Think very hard about whether you want to continue living on the fringes and in the shadows of his life? Is this affair taking you towards your needs, expectations, and wishes or is this taking you in the opposite direction? Remember that occasions like birthdays, Christmas, New Years won’t have to be spent waiting for his call or snatching a moment together. Turn off your phone and let the important people know where you are so that you don’t worry. When I speak to women involved with attached men, whether they realise it or not, they are almost always in a tight routine. A confidante gives you a sanity check but also gives you a rock of support.

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Before you go down the breakup route, do have an honest conversation with you and ask: Is this a halfhearted cry for attention from him that I hope will force his hand into making the decision to be with me? This is how you lose credibility and open you up to more pain.We conduct guided tours for experts and non-experts, hold lectures, publish specialised texts, and organise workshops and symposia.Tour programmes are organized by our tried-and-tested local member companies.Failing that, tell a professional or even that coworker who has gently taken an interest in you or expressed concern. This protects you from knee-jerking into another situation that you may not recognise as being unsuitable and unavailable due to craving some sort of emotional replacement – there is no progress in ditching a married man for another emotionally unavailable man. Exploring the reasons that contributed to your desire to be in this relationship will also ensure that you ‘re able to gain a fresh perspective, heal and move forward.The latter is how many readers have exited not just from affairs but also from abusive relationships. There is also no point in dating if it’s a way of passing time in the hope of filling in the gap until the married guy potentially becomes available. There is no quick fix and the right decision doesn’t always feel good initially. Weather the storm, cold turkey it out and let out the tears and frustration but don’t give in. Also check out the in the downloads section – the former will help you to identify and transform unhealthy beliefs and the latter will help you to explore your feelings and address current and old anger that may be affecting your decision to be in the affair or keeping you stuck in it. Address other areas of your life that have suffered whilst you were with him.

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