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I've been working in youth ministry in some capacity for roughly eight years, and this is one of the most common questions I've fielded from young Christians: “How can (insert boyfriend/girlfriend) and I have a Christian dating relationship? ” As often I've heard it, I still love the the heart behind the question.A couple of youngins' get to dating, and they want to “do it right.” They realize that God is concerned with every aspect of our lives, including our romantic involvements, so they've resolved to have a “Christian” dating relationship and sought guidance. Should we buy a devotional and go through it together? ” If the young man's of a theological bent, he shows up with a potential 10-week preaching series already outlined. As I already mentioned, couples often get this idea that to be truly “spiritual” they should start interweaving their spiritual lives into one.In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that if your relationship is a serious drag on your commitment to obeying Christ's commands to gather with the body, this is actually killing your relationship with Jesus, and is therefore, by definition, not a “Christian” relationship. Women, you want a man who has solid, healthy relationships with other men in the body of Christ.

Who is there to support and encourage when you're having a bad day, or when your relationship needs a check because it's gone off the rails into sin? Even the best married couples need other, godly voices speaking wisdom, conviction, comfort, and healing grace into their lives. Whether you're a Baptist, Anglican, or Presbyterian, you want to be regularly reminded that Christ alone is the source of spiritual life—he died, rose again, and our union with him is the only true food for your soul. Yet all four play an important function with respect to your relationship to each other.

You also probably shouldn’t tell each other about your most traumatic childhood memories or discuss your collection of rare cheeses or — I can’t believe I have to say this — drop the L-bomb. Plus, I already kind of know this guy because we’ve been in the same small group for the last three weeks.” Here’s a thought . More importantly, who made this rule about only dating the man you’re going to marry? What type of ministry do you see yourself going into?

Biblically speaking, no one dated, so it’s not covered in the Good Book. “I am physically attracted to you, but before we go on our first date I need to be sure that we will eventually get married. ” That guy would run screaming in the other direction — I know I would. Even if you don’t say that out loud, guys can tell that’s what you’re thinking. When you run into Joe from your Bible study at the coffee shop and instantly start mapping out your lives together, he can tell.

Realizing that practical steps matter, most often they want tips or steps they can take to build their relationship in Christ. (Protip: this last one is definitely not a winning approach.) 4:5-20. This can actually become a problem, especially because you're not actually married.

There are some rather obvious tips like praying for each other in your daily devotions, encouraging each other to read the Scriptures, setting appropriate boundaries (emotional, spiritual, and so on), and pursuing sexual holiness. These devotions together can develop into a couple-centered spirituality that begins to replace the church-centered relationship with God that the New Testament actually prescribes.

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